When Money Becomes a Curse: The Silent Toxicity of Unpaid Debts in Close Circles

By Dr Ohio O. Ojeagbase

Picture this: You lend $500 to your childhood friend to help them through a rough patch. Months pass, and they’re posting vacation photos on Instagram while dodging your calls. Suddenly, every family gathering feels awkward, and your group chat goes silent. What began as an act of kindness has now poisoned a decade-long friendship.  

This scenario isn’t unique. Unpaid debts in tight-knit communities—whether in churches, workplaces, or friend groups—act like emotional termites, gnawing away at trust and unity. Let’s explore how financial promises gone wrong fracture relationships, and how to fix them without burning bridges.  

Financial Toxicity in Churches and Workplaces: When Trust Goes Bankrupt 

Money has a way of revealing character. In settings built on camaraderie—like religious congregations or office teams—unpaid debts create a unique brand of toxicity. Consider these stats:  

When Trust Fails Among Financial Experts: A Cautionary Tale from a Banking Alumni Community 

It’s easy to assume that communities of former bank employees—people who’ve built careers on financial literacy—would be immune to money disputes. But when unpaid debts infiltrate even these circles, the fallout is uniquely corrosive. Let’s unpack two real cases from such a community, where financial betrayal left lasting scars, and explore how they align with broader trends of financial toxicity in workplaces and social communities.  

The Hidden Cost of Unpaid Debts in Close-Knit Communities 

Debt doesn’t just affect financial stability—it can erode trust, create lasting resentment, and fracture once-thriving relationships. Studies show that 57% of people who lend money to friends or family say it damaged their relationship ([Alleviate Financial, 2023] 

In professional settings, workplace conflicts over money are three times (3x) more likely to result in long-term resentment than other disputes ([Accredited Debt Relief, 2022](https://www.accrediteddebtrelief.com/blog/the-link-between-debt-and-relationship-issues/)).   

Case Study:

In one former bank employees’ community, a senior manager borrowed a significant sum from a colleague, promising repayment with interest. However, rather than honoring his word, he kept dodging accountability, creating tension and division within the network. The lender, once a trusted peer, felt betrayed, while the debtor’s reputation suffered, leading to social isolation and professional distrust.  

Similarly, another individual in the same banking community invested in a telecom firm, expecting to receive 5% equity in exchange for his capital in 2014. However, despite over ten years of waiting with lawyers sent to this former Senior Manager of thsi banking institution who is the CEO of both the Value Added Service Providers and a security firm failed to provide shares or refund the money. This personality knew that they were both former colleagues at Top 2 Banks in Nigeria yet chose to with hold the capital and play smart not considering that he was a SM and the victim was Junior staff. What began as an investment turned into an integrity crisis, leaving the investor financially stranded and emotionally exhausted.  

These cases highlight a critical issue—when financial misconduct is tolerated in professional and social circles, it corrodes trust and weakens ethical standards. Unpaid debts don’t just cause financial distress; they create a toxic culture of distrust, exploitation, and disillusionment, especially when those in positions of power refuse to uphold basic integrity.  

In such environments, honor and credibility become fragile commodities, and the community itself suffers as relationships break down, collaboration weakens, and ethical standards diminish. For businesses, former colleagues, and financial institutions, the lesson is clear: integrity in financial dealings is not just a moral obligation—it’s the foundation of lasting trust and sustainable relationships.

In churches, where generosity is a virtue, unpaid loans can feel like spiritual betrayal. A pastor who borrows from congregants and defaults not only damages personal trust but also undermines the moral integrity of the church. In one alarming case, a Nigerian pastor borrowed a significant sum from a devoted member, promising repayment. However, when confronted about the debt, he defamed the creditor, calling them a thug, troublemaker, and an enemy of God’s work. Rather than the church leadership holding him accountable, the church remained silent, blinded by his role in “servicing the altar,” much like a kickback culture in politics or business or playing politics. The congregation’s loyalty to general church leadership over this lack of ethical justice enabled by the deception, turning faith into a shield for financial misconduct outside in the workplaces. When churches prioritize charismatic leadership over integrity, they create environments where pastors can go to the business arena using the titles of pastors whilst borrowing money but when it comes to payment, they throw the title of pastors to creditors that they should not be disrespected which is witchcraft and evil manipulations, trust erodes, and the true essence of spiritual accountability in the workplaces or marketplaces is lost.

Impact of Debts on Social and Religious Communities: The Ripple Effect 

Unpaid debts don’t just strain two people—they send shockwaves through entire networks. A 2020 Arizona State University study found that financial disputes in communities often lead to **“collective disillusionment”**, where members disengage from group activities to avoid confrontation ([ASU Research, 2020](https://news.asu.edu/20201022-discoveries-study-shows-how-debt-affects-relationship-quality)).   

Take this real-life example: A small business owner in Texas lent $10K to her church’s building fund, only to discover the funds were mismanaged. The fallout? A third of the congregation left, and annual donations dropped by 40%. “It wasn’t just the money,” she said. “It felt like our shared purpose died.”  

How Unpaid Loans Create Workplace and Church Conflicts

In workplaces, unpaid peer loans (like covering a coworker’s travel advance) breed resentment that tanks productivity. A 2023 FINRA report notes that 37% of employees avoid collaborating with colleagues who owe them money, fearing further exploitation ([FINRA, 2023](https://www.finra.org/investors/insights/love-and-debt)). This is also very common in most peer groups and associations.  

In religious circles, the stakes are higher. When a faith leader fails to repay a loan, it can shake members’ spiritual trust. As one rabbi shared anonymously: “Money conflicts in synagogue are the quickest way to empty pews.”  

Psychological Effects of Being Owed Money: The Hidden Cost  

Being ghosted by a debtor isn’t just frustrating—it’s emotionally corrosive. Psychologists identify a phenomenon called “financial gaslighting”, where debtors minimize their obligations (“It’s just N3,000,000:00 that I borrowed!”), making creditors question their own judgment. This erodes self-esteem and fuels anxiety.  

A 2021 study found that 68% of people owed money experience sleep disturbances, and 42% report strained relationships with mutual friends ([Achieve, 2021](https://www.achieve.com/learn/debt-basics/how-debt-affects-your-relationships)).  “It’s like carrying a rock in your shoe every day,” said one respondent. “You can’t forget it’s there.”  

Legal and Ethical Ways to Recover Unpaid Personal Debts 

1. The Gentle Nudge: Start with a polite reminder. Use non-confrontational language: “Hey, just circling back on the =N=500,000:00 we discussed, in 2014 at 5% Monthly interest rate flat compounded, you can do the maths and know what the prepsent value of that investment is today. Can we plan a repayment timeline?” 
2. Mediation: Enlist a neutral third party, like a community experienved leader that is vast in bsuiness and money matters or HR representative. Many religious groups now offer conflict resolution committees for financial disputes but those committees members must be well experiences in business marketplace matters and independent of both parties involved in the financial disputes.  
3. Promissory Notes: For larger sums, draft a simple contract outlining repayment terms.  
4. Small Claims Court: If all else fails, filing a claim cost lots of money and can compel repayment without a lawyer.  

Pro Tip: Document everything. A text saying “I’ll pay you next week” can be evidence if things escalate says Dr Kreeno

Intention to Defraud Through Shelf Companies: When ‘Friends’ Play Dirty 

Beware of sophisticated schemes. Some serial debtors hide assets using shelf companies—inactive businesses revived to shield income. For example, a former colleague of mine “sold” his car to a shelf company he controlled to avoid repaying a N1,500,000:00 loan.  

Red Flags:  
- Debtor suddenly mentions “business losses” but flaunts new purchases.  
- They pressure you to invest in a vague venture.  

If you suspect fraud, consult a lawyer or Kreeno Debt Recovery And Private Investigation Agency to report such scams.  

Rebuilding After the Storm: Mending Fences Without Losing Dignity 

Sometimes, despite your best efforts, the money (and the relationship) is gone. Here’s how to heal:  
- Reframe the Loss: Consider it a “lesson tax.” One woman who lost N1,000,000 to a friend said, “I now value my peace more than being seen as ‘nice.’”  
- Community Support: Join forums to share stories and strategies.  
- Prevent Repeat Offenses: Set a personal rule (“I don’t lend money to anyone that cannot drop transferable collateral for such money") and stick to it. Or only loan cahs that you can afford to lose and in the event that the borrower want to play smart like a case presently when a debtor is trying to calculate inetrest to pay on a simple interest on N3m that he took in 2021 and only want to pay N3.5m in 2025 after 5years (60-months) that is a scammer thinking and a wicked soul.

Final Thoughts: Keeping Money From Poisoning Your Tribe

Money conflicts in close circles are inevitable, but they don’t have to be catastrophic. By blending empathy with firm boundaries—and knowing when to involve legal safeguards—you can protect both your wallet and your relationships.  

As financial therapist Amanda Clayman advises: *“Lend money only if you’re prepared to lose both the cash and the connection.”* Sometimes, saying “no” is the kindest choice.  

Further Reading:  
- [Reporting Financial Fraud and Unpaid Debts](https://kreenoplus.com/account/index.php/signup) (KreenoPlus)  

Remember: A community’s strength isn’t measured by how much it lends, but by how honestly it reckons with debt—and rebuilds when trust breaks.